Fawlty Towers Scripts:	A Touch  of Class 

Extract 1

[The Fawlty Towers reception lobby.]

Basil: 	[on the phone] One double room without bath for the 16th, 17th  and 18th... yes, and if you'd be so good as to confirm by letter? ... thank you so much,  goodbye. [puts the phone down]

Sybil: 		[bustling in] Have you made up the bill for room twelve, Basil?
Basil: 		No, I haven't yet, no.

Sybil: 	Well, they're in a hurry. Polly says they didn't get their  alarm call. And Basil, please  get that picture up - it's been there for a week. [goes into office]

Basil: 	It's been there since Monday, Sybil... Tuesday... Wednesday...  Thusrday...Friday... Sat - 
		
[realizes Sybil is no longer there; goes across to Manuel who has come  in carrying three breakfast trays] 

		Manuel! There - is - too - much - butter - on -  those - trays.

Manuel: 	Que?

Basil: 		There is too much butter on those trays. [he points to each  tray in turn]

Manuel: 	No, no, no, Senor!

Basil:  		What?

Manuel: 	Not 'on- those- trays'. No sir - 'uno dos tres.' Uno... dos...  tres...            

Basil: 		No, no. Hay mucho burro alli!

Manuel: 	Que?

Basil: 		Hay... mucho... burro... alli!

Manuel: 	Ah, mantequilla!

Basil: 		What? Que?

Manuel:  	Mantequilla. Burro is... is... [brays like a donkey]

Basil:  		What?

Manuel: 	Burro... [does more donkey imitations]

Extract 2

 [Misses Tibbs and Gatsby come down the stairs.]
               
Sybil: 		[turning on the charm] Good morning Miss Gatsby, morning Miss Tibbs.     
               
Basil: 		[imitating the charm ironically] Good morning, good morning.      

Sybil: 		Basil!     

Basil: 		Yes, dear?     

Sybil: 		Are you going to hang the picture?

Basil: 		Yes I am, dear, yes, yes...       

Sybil: 		When?        

Basil: 		When I've, when I've...       

Sybil: 		Well, why don't you do it now?

Basil: 		Well, I'm doing this, dear [indicating typewriter]... I'm doing the menu.           
   
Sybil: 	You've got all morning to do the menu. Why don't you hang the picture now? ... Well?         
                 
Basil: 	[jumping up] Yes, all right, I won't do the menu... I don't think you realize how long it takes to do the menu, but no, it doesn't matter, I'll hang the picture now. If the menus are  late for lunch it doesn't matter, the guests  can all come and look at the picture till they are ready, right? [he starts to  hang the picture to the right of the dining-room door]    
Sybil: 		Lower... [he lowers it]... Lower... up a bit... There! [she disappears]        

Basil: 	Thank you, dear. Thank you so much. I don't know where I'd be without you... in  the land of the living, probably.                  
                  
[He holds the picture in position. A young couple, the Mackenzies, come hurriedly  down 
the stairs and ring the reception bell.]                
                 
Basil: 			Yes?       

Mr Mackenzie:  	Er... could we have our bill please?

Basil: 			Well, can you wait a minute?        

Mr Mackenzie: 	Er... I'm afraid we're a bit late for our train - we didn't get our alarm call.                 

[Basil glowers at them, then puts the picture down and strides  back to the 
typewriter.]               
                 
Basil: 			Right. I was up at five, you know, we do have staff probelms,  I'm so sorry, it's all 
			done by magic.        
                
[He starts typing the bill. Sybil looks in from the office.]                  

Sybil: 			[accussingly] Basil, are you doing the menu?        

Basil: 			No, I'm not doing the menu, dear. I am doing the bill for these  charming people who 
			are in a hurry.                

Mr Mackenzie:  	[to Sybil] I'm sorry to cause all this trouble, but the reason we're late is 
			we didn't get our alarm call.                 

Sybil:  	Oh dear, I am sorry. [sweetly] Basil, why didn't they get their  alarm call?     
  
Basil:  	Because *I forgot*! I am so sorry I am not perfect! There you  are, there's the bill. Perhaps you'd pay my wife, I have to put the picture up...  if there aren't any dustbins to  be cleaned out...                   
 
[He walks towards the picture again. A newspaper boy comes in  and puts his papers on
 the tables.]               

Boy: 			Newspapers!                 
 
[Basil turns after him aggressively, tapping his watch - the boy exits rapidly.The 
Mackenzies    leave; Basil's farewell smile lacks sincerity.]       

Basil: 			Goodbye. See you again!              
                     
Sybil: 			Don't forget the picture, Basil.        

Basil: 			I won't, dear, leave it to me.       

Sybil: 			I'm going out now. I expect it to up when I get back. [she leaves]       

Basil:  			[through his teeth]  Drive carefully, dear...      

End of extract 2